BANANA TRASH BED: I Got Pregnant For My Distant Cousin

I am 20 and I have a one-year-old daughter. I have kept the father's identity a secret because he is a distant cousin on my mother's side.

Before we got involved, I used to admire him when we went to the country. He was the first man who put his hand on my breasts. I always wanted to return to the country so that I could see him, and when I was almost 19, I went with him to the bush and we kissed.

We put banana trash on the ground and that is where I lost my virginity. It happened again another time, but I had a boyfriend in Kingston and we were having sex too. When I missed my period, I told my boyfriend that it seemed as if he got me pregnant. When it was confirmed that I was pregnant, he accepted paternity. 

My mother told me that I should have been more careful. She thought that I was speaking the truth and that it was my boyfriend who got me pregnant.

My boyfriend is 25. But I knew that it was my cousin who impregnated me because the doctor told me the timeline, and I knew I had sex with him at that time.

My son resembles his father; he has nothing for my boyfriend. But my boyfriend has accepted him as his own. He and I have been talking about marriage. I am now a university student. He already has his degree and he plans to help me.

I told him I would be glad for his help. He is the type of man I would marry, but I am very afraid of what he may do when he realises that the child is not his. His real father sends me money for him occasionally.

I have been saving that money in a special account. What I did was wrong, but I was young and my cousin took advantage of me. He doesn't see it that way, but when I look back that is what he did. I have thought of telling my mother the truth, but I am afraid of what she would say. I remember when I had sex for the first time, we burned up the trash we were lying down on.

I still love my cousin and I wish I could marry him. I love him more than my boyfriend. So he might be right when he disagrees with me that he took advantage of me.

He is still single. When I asked him why he is not married, he said he is waiting on me, but if I go ahead and get married, he may have to do so too.

I now have $200,000 in the bank from him. I would like my son to know the truth when he gets older, but I am still afraid to talk about it. This is the first time I am mentioning it to anyone.

S.T.

What's your reaction?